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托福寫作難以突破?謹(jǐn)記這7個(gè)法則

2019-05-31 環(huán)球教育整理

  句子改寫是寫作必備環(huán)節(jié),改寫的過程涉及到使用更加靈活的句式,尋找更加精準(zhǔn)的單詞,調(diào)整句子的順序等。謹(jǐn)記這7個(gè)法則將有助于你寫出更加漂亮的句子。

  01.簡潔性原則

  關(guān)于簡潔性原則,William Zinsser 在他的 On Writing Well 一書中提到了一個(gè)經(jīng)典案例:

  二戰(zhàn)時(shí)期羅斯福總統(tǒng)的一名下屬需要通知上夜班的工作人員,在空襲期間,聯(lián)邦政府的辦公樓需要關(guān)燈或者避免光線外漏。該下屬寫了這么一則通告:

  Such preparations shall be made as will completely obscure all Federal buildings and non-Federal buildings occupied by the Federal government during an air raid for any period of time from visibility by reason of internal or external illumination.

  羅斯福看完之后,將它改成了 Tell them that in buildings where they have to keep the work going to put something across the windows.

  翻開任何一本英文寫作指導(dǎo)書籍,其中一定會(huì)提及簡潔性原則。在改寫句子時(shí),要學(xué)會(huì)刪繁就簡,去除贅詞和套話。對于句子精簡,以下幾種方法可以參考:

  (a)減少there be句型的使用

  there be 句型很容易使用,但也很容易被濫用。在考場作文中我們可以見到大量的 there be 從句,但這些從句絕大多數(shù)可以省略。舉個(gè)例子:

  There are widespread rumours of job losses.

  可以改寫為:

  Rumours of job losses abound.

  there be 句型一般表示“某地有某物”,在修改時(shí),可以使用一個(gè)恰當(dāng)?shù)膭?dòng)詞進(jìn)行替換(比如上面句子中的 abound )

  又比如下面這個(gè)例子:

  There were more foreign students in the classroom than the natives.

  可以改寫為:

  Foreign students outnumbered the natives in the classroom.

  除了去掉 there be 結(jié)構(gòu)之外,這里還使用 outnumber 來代替 more … than … 這一個(gè)比較結(jié)構(gòu)。類似的詞還有 outlive, outshine, outclass, outgrow, outperform 等。

  (b)使用介詞短語

  很多時(shí)候,一個(gè)簡單的介詞往往會(huì)比一個(gè)從句更為簡潔,舉個(gè)例子:

  (1) When they arrived at the police station, they were taken to an interview room.

  (2) I'll call you when I arrive.

  可以改寫成:

  (1) On arrival at the police station, they were taken to an interview room.

  (2) I'll call you upon arrival.

  這里使用on 以及 upon 介詞來代替 when 從句,類似的道理,可以靈活使用 in, at, during 等其他介詞來代替從句,起到事半功倍的效果。

  (c)省略關(guān)系代詞

  除了 there be 句型之外,定語從句在考場作文中的使用頻率也非常高。但從簡潔性的角度考慮,絕大多數(shù)的定語從句同樣可以精簡。舉個(gè)例子:

  From childhood, he had an instinct that made him excited and interested in all things which were electronic.

  可以改寫成:

  From childhood, he had an instinctive feel for all things electronic.

  這里將關(guān)系代詞 which 以及 that 省略,并且原句中 made him excited and interested in 語義重復(fù),可以使用 instinctive feel 來代替。

  又比如下面這個(gè)例子:

  An Ideal Husband is a film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's play that tells the story of a popular politician who was involved in a scandal that led to his downfall.

  句子可以改寫成:

  An Ideal Husband is a film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's play that tells the story of a popular politician brought down by a scandal.

  這里將關(guān)系代詞 who 以及 that 省略,句子的意思不變,但顯得更加簡潔。在作文修改中,可以嘗試著將不必要的關(guān)系代詞刪除,或者將其轉(zhuǎn)換為分詞結(jié)構(gòu)或名詞詞組,以達(dá)到精簡的效果。

  02.詞性轉(zhuǎn)換

  英語中有一部分單詞具有多重詞性,巧妙利用詞性轉(zhuǎn)換,可以寫出簡潔的句子。舉個(gè)例子,要表達(dá)“他在上海度假”,我們可能會(huì)寫 He goes on holiday in Shanghai.

  但其實(shí)還可以寫成 He holidays in Shanghai. 這里將 holiday 作為動(dòng)詞使用,含義是“在……度假”。

  又比如:

  (1) Arthur Ashe is the captain of the U.S. team.

  (2) Mr Cunningham, who teaches creative writing at Yale University, is extremely funny and psychologically observant, but he does not believe in happy endings.

  上面句子可以改寫為:

  (1) Arthur Ashe captains the U.S. team.

  (2) Mr Cunningham, who teaches creative writing at Yale University, is extremely funny and psychologically observant, but he is no believer in happy endings.

  第一個(gè)句子使用 captain 的動(dòng)詞義“率領(lǐng)”,人物形象更為有力。第二個(gè)句子使用 believe 的名詞形式 believer,這樣語氣更為強(qiáng)烈。

  03.避免語義重復(fù)

  語義重復(fù)是中國學(xué)生最常犯的寫作問題之一,這與漢語的負(fù)遷移現(xiàn)象有一定關(guān)系。在漢語中我們會(huì)重復(fù)使用意思相近的詞語或句子來達(dá)到增強(qiáng)語氣的效果,但在英語寫作中應(yīng)盡量避免這種寫法。

  舉個(gè)例子,在一篇關(guān)于間隔年(gap year)的作文中,有這樣一個(gè)片段:

  Students who have used their time to volunteer for charities, serve internship or travel overseas have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more adaptable and are able to embrace change and learn to adjust to different cultures, and this could be particularly valuable when it comes to job hunting.

  第二句 They tend to be more adaptable and are able to embrace change and learn to adjust to different cultures 屬于語義重復(fù):整句話的核心為 They tend to be more adaptable,后半句的表述其實(shí)是前半句的重復(fù),可以刪去,句子改寫成:

  The adaptability hardened in a foreign land could be particularly valuable when it comes to job hunting.

  再舉一個(gè)例子:

  In this modern world of ours today, the well-informed, knowledgeable person will succeed and be well ahead of the competition.

  上面這個(gè)句子中,modern 和 today 重復(fù),well-informed 和 knowledgeable 重復(fù),succeed 和 be well ahead of the competition 重復(fù),句子可化簡為:

  Well-informed person will succeed these days.

  04.留意正式表達(dá)與非正式表達(dá)的區(qū)別

  英語中有正式表達(dá)和非正式表達(dá)之分,要學(xué)會(huì)區(qū)分它們,避免在寫作使用非正式表達(dá)。例如:

  The actors gave a terrific performance, but the opera was rotten.

  句子中 terrific, rotten 這樣的詞語就屬于非正式表達(dá),在書面語中要進(jìn)行替換,可以將它們替換成 The actors gave a amazing/brilliant/marvellous performance, but the opera was terrible/awful/abysmal.

  怎樣辨別正式表達(dá)與非正式表達(dá)呢?一個(gè)簡單的方法是,在詞典中查看該單詞的標(biāo)識(shí),如果某個(gè)釋義帶有 informal 標(biāo)識(shí),在正式寫作中就要盡量注意。

  05.用詞多樣

  在一篇文章中,可以使用同義詞或近義詞來營造多樣化表達(dá)效果。舉個(gè)例子,經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)人最近在一篇關(guān)于泰國國王普密蓬的文章中,有這樣一個(gè)句子:

  Respect for the Thai monarchy may be reinforced through the education system andbolstered by strict laws against insulting the king, but it is genuine nonetheless.

  其中,reinforce 以及 bolster 表達(dá)的含義都是“加強(qiáng)”,在這里為近義詞替換。

  我在之前的經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)人賞析系列中還舉過一個(gè)例子:

  Africa can simply jump straight over it and go right to the latest thing. Just as drones canmake up for poor roads, the theory goes, mobile phones can overcome a lack of well-functioning banks, portable solar panels can stand in for missing power stations and free learning apps can substitute for patchy education.

  一個(gè)句子里面連續(xù)使用了 make up for, overcome, stand in for, substitute for 這幾個(gè)詞來表達(dá)“取代”這個(gè)概念,這也從側(cè)面反映出積累近義表達(dá)的重要性。

  在寫句子時(shí)如果需要進(jìn)行同義詞替換,可以查詢同義詞詞典(thesaurus),例如在柯林斯同義詞詞典中可以找到 stand in for 的多種替換表達(dá):

  06.使用修辭

  適當(dāng)使用修飾可以增加語言的表現(xiàn)力,同時(shí)給讀者留下深刻印象。在外刊閱讀以及英語寫作中,最常見的一種修飾手法是比喻。舉個(gè)例子,經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)人最近在寫 Elon Musk 公司的財(cái)務(wù)狀況時(shí),使用了這樣的描述:

  Mr Musk is also one of the last entrepreneurs in America who seems to think that the publicly listed company can be useful. Two of his companies are listed: Tesla, a carmaker, and SolarCity, an energy firm. They have towering ambitions and valuations, and burn up cash as fast as his third company, SpaceX, burns up rocket fuel.

  對于特斯拉和SolarCity 兩家公司的燒錢速度,作者給了一個(gè)形象的說法:就像 SpaceX 公司的火箭消耗燃料那么快。這樣的描寫效果更為直觀。

  We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

  It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

  這次演講在當(dāng)時(shí)面對的是廣大底層黑人民眾,文中使用的一系列比喻讓自由平等民主不再是空洞的概念,而是一個(gè)個(gè)非常具體的物象。這些比喻極大增強(qiáng)了演講的感染力,也讓它當(dāng)即成為膾炙人口的名篇。

  07.尋找更精準(zhǔn)的詞

  要寫出漂亮的句子,我們并不能僅僅滿足于使用一個(gè)剛好能符合要求的詞。要不斷反問自己“這個(gè)句子還可以怎么寫?有沒有更加精確的詞可以替換?”

  舉個(gè)例子,“我的伯母氣沖沖地走進(jìn)商店,要求退款”,這句話怎么說?

  My aunt walked into the grocery store angrily and asked for a refund.

  上面這個(gè)句子雖然可以符合要求,但是用詞過于中規(guī)中矩,還不夠漂亮。可以嘗試著將句子改成:

  My aunt stormed into the grocery store and demanded for a refund.

  將 walked 替換成 storm (氣沖沖地走),將 ask 替換為 demand(堅(jiān)決請求,強(qiáng)烈要求),這樣的句子表意更為精準(zhǔn),也更加容易給人留下深刻印象。

  這個(gè)例子也從側(cè)面解釋了我們?yōu)槭裁葱枰笤~匯量的原因:掌握的單詞越多,寫作時(shí)用詞的選擇面也會(huì)越廣,越容易找到能夠精確傳達(dá)意思的詞匯。

  除了上面提到的這幾種技巧之外,還要學(xué)會(huì)大量閱讀模仿以及勤查詞典,多站在作者的角度思考如何遣詞造句。能夠長期堅(jiān)持做到這幾點(diǎn),距離寫出好句子也就不遠(yuǎn)了。


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